Culture Fatigue, Wounds, and the Power of Prayer

Time and life are flying by for us on this side of the planet!  We feel like we’ve (mostly) recovered from the emotional slump we hit around October of last year, though there are definitely days when we are worn down by “culture fatigue”.  Culture fatigue is what happens when nothing actually “shocks” you anymore, but the regular frustrations and inconveniences of living in a developing country just wear you down.  

A big part of our culture fatigue stems from the realization that while we’ve been able to make some physical improvements to buildings, and administrative improvements to programs, the hearts of many of our kids and staff remain oppressed by cultural norms and myths.  Just a few examples:  

• It is generally accepted here that the best way to teach and discipline a child is through humiliation and caning with a stick.  

• Because of female inferiority, girls are expected to say “yes” to requests made by men, so many girls don’t even know it is okay to defend themselves against abuse.  

• Power here is something that is often gained, not earned. The difference being that there are many ways to “gain” authority or money or position without legitimately earning what has been gained.  

These underlying beliefs in the community have resulted in deep wounds that have not only led to each child’s committal to our Home, but have also shaped their views of themselves and others.  All of these dynamics ultimately lead to ongoing interactions among our kids that further threaten their physical, emotional, and spiritual safety.  So on a regular basis we are responding to behaviors that need immediate attention.  We often feel like firefighters in a town of pyromaniacs, running from one fire to the next, with no time in between to teach fire safety as a preventative measure.  Our goal is NOT to create a Western culture here in Kenya, as clearly our own culture has it’s own dangers.  Rather, we are trying to create a Biblical culture, founded on the teachings of Jesus and the love of God.  

We recently became strongly convicted that we can’t expect improvements in the “symptoms” if we don’t deal with the root illnesses.  So we began the process of healing with each child by asking for God’s protection and guidance over the entire Children’s Home compound.  We spent a whole day in groups with the kids and staff praying over every square inch of the Home.  We prayed at the gate, along every fence, in every room, over every bed.  Then, Jason, Jennifer, and I, along with the Home’s Pastor, George, began praying with every child individually.  Even though our prayer time with each individual child has been short (only because we have 65 kids to pray with - including the staff kids who live at the Home), we have had some of the most revealing moments in our year and a half of being here!  

I’d like to share a bit about one of our older students, who for privacy reasons I will refer to as Samuel.  Samuel has grown up in our Children’s Home.  You would think this should mean that he has led a safe and protected life.  However, Samuel has experienced his “parents” leaving every 3-5 years, only to be replaced by new “parents” who eventually also leave, and so it has gone for 18 years.  As a result, Samuel has been wounded.  In his mind, he has no reason to trust anyone, because chances are they don’t really care about him and will soon leave him anyway.  So Samuel responds to his fears and wounds in ways that ultimately sabotage his own well-being.  

Jason has been trying to reach Samuel since the week we arrived.  Until last week, however, it seemed like a connection would never be made.  Samuel was in Jason’s prayer group on the day we prayed over the Children’s Home.  At the end of the prayer time, I caught a glimpse of Jason going to give Samuel a hug.  I was expecting a typical, stiff response through the wall Samuel has built around himself.  But instead, tears came to my eyes as I watched Samuel melt into Jason’s hug and allow himself to be nurtured for perhaps the first time ever.  Later that day, when we prayed with Samuel individually, he looked directly into my eyes as I spoke to him.  It seems such a little thing, but truly, it was a breakthrough moment.

Our children at the Home carry the burden of horrendous wounds.  Calloused scars remain on the hearts of every one of our kids, ranging from complete abandonment to neglect and abuse of every unimaginable kind.  What good is a new building or an improved program if the hearts of those we came to serve remain wounded and calloused?  Our goals for this next year reflect our desire to make a difference in the hearts of these children.  We know it is not by our efforts that healing will take place, but only by the grace and hand of our Heavenly Father who is the Father to the fatherless.